I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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