are you still at the devil's house?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
