Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
