i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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