i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
