Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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