I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
