I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
