If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
