And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
