I molested 6 butterflies tonight
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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