I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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