Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
