You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just googled if crying burns calories
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
