The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
