The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
