ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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