Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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