3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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