Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
