Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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