Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
