He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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