I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
