This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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