you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
