Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
dude. I can hear the air.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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