May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
