so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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