I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
