I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
sarcasm needs its own font
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
