I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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