i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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