can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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