She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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