You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
