I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
