His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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