Someone shit on the floor
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
