I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
