Do you still have your period?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
