I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize