i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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