Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
