Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
