Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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