i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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