its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's the barista slut.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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