How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
