I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
