What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
