Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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