It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
