I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There r osticjed everywhere
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
