Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
