Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
