While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
