got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
