I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Alive.
So much puke
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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