Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
