Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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