Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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