you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
