some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
