I am puke
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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