All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
