we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
