yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
