weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
