well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
