if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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