Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
