Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
