reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
