I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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