Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
