There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
