i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
