Define "chronic" masturbator.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
