Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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